ENM. POLYAMORY. SWINGING. OPENNESS.
Glossary of Non-Monogamous Terms
General Terms
Monogamish – A mostly monogamous relationship with occasional sexual adventures outside the partnership.
Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM) – A broad term for consensual relationships that involve more than one partner, built on honesty, communication, and respect.
Open Relationship – A relationship where partners agree it’s okay to explore sexual or romantic connections with others.
Swinging – A style of non-monogamy focused on recreational sex, usually with other couples or individuals in social or club settings—often referred to as “the lifestyle.”
Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell (DADT) – An arrangement where partners are free to explore, but agree not to share the details with each other.
Polyamory – The practice of having multiple loving (and possibly sexual) relationships with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved.
NRE (New Relationship Energy) – That butterflies-in-your-stomach, can't-stop-smiling feeling you get when you start seeing someone new.
Unicorn Hunting – The often controversial pursuit of a single, usually bisexual woman to join a couple. Can come with unrealistic or one-sided expectations.
Terms Mostly Related to Swinging
Soft Swap – Engaging in sexual play with others, but stopping short of full intercourse.
Full Swap – When couples go all the way and have intercourse with others.
Unicorn – A single, often bisexual woman who joins a couple for sex or relationships. The term can carry baggage, so tread thoughtfully.
Stag and Vixen – A dynamic where the male partner (stag) enjoys watching or encouraging his partner (vixen) to play with others.
Hotwife – A woman in a committed relationship who has sex with other men, often with her partner’s blessing or involvement.
Hall Pass – Permission (one-time or ongoing) from a partner to explore sexually outside the relationship.
Swingers Club – A venue where people in the lifestyle meet to socialize—and sometimes more.
Play Party – A gathering where people can mingle and engage in consensual sexual play.
LS (Lifestyle) – Shorthand for the swinging/open relationship community.
On-Premise Club – A swingers club where sexual activity is allowed on-site.
Off-Premise Club – A social spot for swingers where the fun happens later, somewhere private.
Voyeur – Someone who enjoys watching others during intimate moments.
Exhibitionist – Someone who gets a thrill from being watched during sexual activity.
Secure Couple – A couple with strong communication and trust, often thriving in non-monogamous arrangements.
Newbie – Someone new to swinging or exploring non-monogamy.
Terms Mostly Related to BDSM
Aftercare – The emotional and physical support partners give each other after a BDSM scene, to reconnect and recover.
BDSM – A big umbrella term that includes Bondage & Discipline, Dominance & Submission, and Sadism & Masochism.
Bondage – Using restraints like ropes or cuffs to restrict movement for fun, power play, or connection.
Bottom – The person receiving sensation or following direction in a BDSM scene.
Brat – A playful submissive who enjoys testing boundaries or being a bit cheeky with their dominant.
Collaring – A symbolic act (like giving a ring) where a submissive accepts a collar from their dominant, often signifying commitment or ownership.
Consent – The clear, enthusiastic “yes” that must happen before any kink or BDSM activity.
Dom/Dominant – The person who leads or takes control in a BDSM dynamic.
Domme – A woman-identifying person who takes the dominant role.
Edgeplay – Intense or risky BDSM activities that require lots of trust and experience—think knife play or breath play.
Hard Limit – A clear boundary. An activity someone will not engage in, full stop.
Impact Play – Activities involving spanking, flogging, or other forms of striking for pleasure, pain, or both.
Kink – Any sexual preference or activity that falls outside the mainstream.
Masochist – Someone who enjoys receiving pain in a sexual or emotional context.
Munch – A casual, non-kinky meetup for people in the BDSM community to socialize and connect.
Negotiation – The important pre-scene talk where everyone shares boundaries, limits, and desires.
Play Party – A social gathering with space for BDSM scenes and exploration.
Power Exchange – When control is consensually given to a dominant partner in a BDSM relationship or scene.
Safe Word – A special word used to stop play immediately when someone feels uncomfortable or needs a break.
Sadist – Someone who enjoys giving pain for the pleasure of their partner or themselves.
Scene – A BDSM interaction that’s planned and agreed upon—kind of like a mini-performance with roles and rules.
Soft Limit – An activity someone is unsure about but might be open to under the right circumstances.
Sub/Submissive – A person who chooses to give up control to a dominant partner.
Switch – Someone who enjoys being both dominant and submissive, depending on the partner or situation.
Topping from the Bottom – When a submissive tries to direct the scene instead of fully letting go and following the dominant’s lead.
Terms Mostly Related to Polyamory
Polyamory – Being open to multiple loving, honest, and consensual relationships at the same time.
Polyfidelity – A closed polyamorous group where all members are exclusive with each other.
Hierarchical Polyamory – A poly structure with clearly ranked relationships, like primary and secondary partners.
Non-Hierarchical Polyamory – A poly setup where all relationships are seen as equally important, with no ranking.
Relationship Anarchy (RA) – A choose-your-own-adventure style of relationships that skips traditional labels and rules.
Solo Polyamory – Polyamory with a focus on independence—often without nesting or primary-style partnerships.
Metamour – Your partner’s other partner. You’re not dating them, but you’re both important to the same person.
Compersion – That warm, fuzzy feeling you get when your partner is happy with someone else. The opposite of jealousy.
Vee (V-Structure) – One person is dating two people who aren’t dating each other. Picture the letter “V.”
Triad – A romantic or sexual relationship among three people, where everyone is involved with each other.
Quad – A romantic or sexual relationship involving four people in various connection combinations.
Kitchen Table Polyamory – Everyone, including metamours, gets along well enough to sit around the kitchen table together.
Parallel Polyamory – A setup where metamours stay in their lanes and don’t interact much (or at all).
Unicorn – A bisexual, single woman open to dating both members of a couple. Often idealized—sometimes unfairly.
Nesting Partner – A partner you live with, regardless of where they fall in the relationship hierarchy.
Fluid Bonding – Agreeing to have unprotected sex exclusively within a certain group or with specific partners.
Primary Partner – In hierarchical polyamory, the person you share the most entanglements with—like a home or finances.
Secondary Partner – A meaningful relationship with fewer logistical ties or day-to-day involvement.
Tertiary Partner – A lower-priority relationship, often casual or less intertwined with your daily life.
Compartmentalization – Keeping different relationships separate emotionally, logistically, or socially.
Polysaturation – When your relationship dance card is full—you don’t have the emotional or logistical bandwidth for more connections.
Anchor Partner – A stable, important partner who keeps you grounded, even without formal hierarchy.
